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Cook, Cotter  Sweet Sixteen Survivors

Jungle Cat, Bryman still in the hunt

Tourney gone to the dogs

It’s shaping up to be “one of those years.” The last two days were not kind to a number of people. By the time games ended last night, 57 people had seen their selected champion go down in defeat. Among the casualties was Brutalbrutis, who gave a valiant effort but saw her dream of a championship repeat die when Ohio State lost.


But though the field lay in a heaping, smoldering ruin, a couple unlikely characters still emerged from the rubble: Bruce Pearl’s BBQ Cook (Benjamin DeHaan) and Cotter.


All thought Tennessee’s first round rear-end flogging courtesy the open palms of the Michigan Wolverines, coupled with Bruce Pearl’s subsequent ouster as head coach, would have at the very least put the BBQ Cook into hiding under his grill. But the opposite has happened—the BBQ Cook has taken the lead. It is unclear how the BBQ Cook was able to overcome this severe adversity, but some speculate that he may have been buoyed by returning to his hometown of Cadillac, Mich. and accepting a new job as the Official High Flame Roaster at the recently-expanded Spruce Hollow Campground, a “naturist” RV retreat in rural Wexford County. “He really knows how to brown a rack,” Spruce Hollow said in a press release. “We were especially impressed with his rump roast.” 


Cotter, who I described last year as a “spring-loaded albino gopher,” has finally sprung. He’s in second place and the odds-on favorite to win it all. If Kansas wins, only four players who also have Kansas can stop him: Jeffrey T, Double A, Stump, and Jungle Cat.


If I were Cotter, I’d be the most wary of Jungle Cat (Doni Jackson). She’s been on the prowl the last few days, moving up from 78th place to where she is now, 17th. Furthermore, she’s due to give birth to her first child in a few days, and I can think of no more glorious way to enter the world than as the child of a newly-crowned Chippens NCAA Tournament Challenge Champion. She’s still a ways back, but easily within pouncing range of the albino gopher, who would no doubt make a very savory snack for a jungle cat with pregnancy cravings. Fate is definitely on her side.


The Bryman (Bryan Timm), is one spot ahead of Jungle Cat in 16th place and is the most unlikely potential champion. When he discovered he was the only person in the pool to pick Texas to win it all, he publicly mused whether I should dispense with the formalities of keeping score and just send him the Grand Prize immediately. After Texas lost in their second game I haven’t heard much from him. Yet, he’s also the only player to have Butler in the Final Four. If they and North Carolina both win—and then lose to Arizona and VCU—he wins. As Lloyd Christmas once said, “So you’re telling me there’s a chance!”


Finally, watch out for a bit of developing sibling rivalry.Bowser’s Babe (Courtney Lambrecht) and Izzard, sisters who both named themselves after their dogs, can both still win. Izzard will be barking for Florida today, and Bowser has marked his territory on North Carolina.