Boven, Prime Mover Lead After Fourth Day
BBQ Cook Needs Work
Player Scenarios Posted
Loyal and voracious readers, I apologize for the extended delay in dispatching this recap, but it has taken me well over a day to come to grips with the fact that rookie player Amwau (Amy Boven, a health club manager in Kalamazoo, Mich.) emerged Sunday night as the tournament leader. Butler’s win Saturday coupled with Arizona and Florida State’s wins Sunday constitute the mathematical reasons why she’s winning, but I think there must be some mystical explanation as well.
You see, Amy was the second-to-last person to get her picks in (and Cotter, the last person, hardly counts)—not because she strategically waited for last minute news on the teams, but simply because she could not figure out how to make her picks in the first place. I won’t go into all the embarrassing details—and by that I mean the numerous frantic e-mails and text messages I received Thursday morning that read “It’s not working!!!”—but suffice to say that even with the on-site assistance of two people (WHAC and Hot T., who inexplicably proved to be no help despite the fact they themselves had made their picks mere hours before), Amwau experienced some “technical difficulties” completing a process that essentially required moving her computer mouse over the team she thought would win and then depressing her right index finger on the left mouse button a series of times.
Now I don’t want to sound like I’m being a meany and unfairly picking on Amy. After all, it is now obvious that this charade was all a ruse designed to buy herself time to commune with a higher power. While WHAC and Hot T. were spinning their wheels puzzling over her picks, Amwau brought out her Pilates pad and got in the Half Lotus to speak to the Supreme Being:
Amy: Who should I pick?
Supreme Being: Butler, definitely Butler.
Amy: Who are they?
SB: I don’t know, but their Bulldog mascot makes me laugh.
Amy: Good enough for me. Who else?
SB: I’m thinking Florida State and Arizona in the second round.
Amy: Ah yes, it is warm in both those places, makes sense…. But wait, won’t Florida State play Notre Dame in the second round? Shouldn’t we go with the Catholics?
SB: Not after what they gave up for Lent. Stick with BYU; if what I learned about them on Big Love is true, they can’t lose.
Amy: Excellent point. Anything else?
SB: Yeah, I gotta tell you about what I did to Senor Wences. He’s vacationing in Aruba, and there was this 92-year-old lady in the Serenity Pool who I had lift up….
Amy: That’s enough! Gotta get back to work.
And so it went.
But Amwau is not in the clear yet. Brutalbrutis is still hanging on in second place, refusing to relinquish her Championship quietly.Izzard has now moved up to third, and she has the most points of anyone left to earn. If Florida wins, so does she. Beast climbed 35 spots all the way to 4th. He’s having his best tournament ever. Liz and Mkizzle (last year’s runner up) have positioned themselves into 4th and 6th places, respectively. Polar bear has once again surpassed his son to move into 7th. With Bruce Pearl getting fired, there’s no knowing what will happen to his BBQ Cook, who fell to 12th place, but I heard they just got applications at Nashville hot spots Hog Heaven and Bar-B-Cutie.
Tournament Challenged (Brandon Christol) and T.S. Eliot (Mike Theune) occupy the last two spots in the top 10. Christol has stayed near the top the whole tournament. He appears to be biding his time. T.S. Eliot better make his move now because, as he knows, “April is the cruelest month.”
If you are not in the top 10, do not despair! Monday morning I posted Player Scenarios, and 49 people (definitely not including Dear loyal Chippens competitor) still have a shot at winning it all! Many more have a chance to finish in the prizes (again, excluding Dear loyal Chippens competitor). Player scenarios tell you your best and worst possible finishes and who to root for, so check it out. It’s the third link from the bottom on the Report Package.